Raw Sex and the Nuclear Holocaust… A MisAdventures’ Tale

 

Judy gave a small lock of hair to each of her many admirers.

When was the first time you recognized a member of the opposite sex as something other than a playmate, or, possibly, a pain in the butt?

Almost as far back as I can recall, I had a girlfriend, or at least believed I did. The girls didn’t necessarily have to agree. The first girl who caught my attention was an ‘older woman,’ the fourth-grade sister of one of my classmates in the third grade. She had quite a mouth on her and called her little brother names like s**t-head and f**k-face. As mentioned earlier, I had an extensive vocabulary of swear words. My brother, friends and I used such words extensively but I had never heard a girl talk like that. I was fascinated. I fell under her spell.

And thus it was, one fine Saturday, I found myself on my first great solo adventure, walking 2 ½ miles following the Southern Pacific railroad tracks to her home with the sole objective of hearing her speak those magical words. I was not disappointed! Be still my beating heart.

My first real heart-throb, though, was in the fourth grade. This time, she was a younger woman in the third grade: cute, blond and smart. While I may have appreciated those qualities, what fascinated me about Carol was that she could run like the wind. I was in love with her legs. We both lived within a couple of blocks of school and would walk home for lunch. The advantage of going home was that we would arrive back at school before the other kids were let out for noon recess. This meant we could grab the best positions for whatever game was being played. My problem was that Carol could outrun me and this meant I was usually second in line. It seemed like a small price to pay for seeing those legs kicking up the dirt in front of me.

In the fifth grade, the woman of the year was Judy, a fourth grader with flaming red hair who had every boy in the fourth and fifth grade passionately pursuing her. The competition was fierce. Judy loved it while the other girls must have been extremely jealous or, maybe just disgusted. To encourage us, Judy cut off small locks of her hair and gave one to each of her admirers. I was surprised she had any hair left but I cherished my lock and took it to bed with me at night. My main competitor for Judy was Eric, who was an up and coming fourth grader, small, but extremely athletic and an all-around nice kid. Judy let it be known that we were the chosen two.

Eric.

We had our showdown at a school movie that provided instructions on what to do when the Russians bombed our school. We spent a lot of time in the 50s worrying about that. People began building bomb shelters in their backyards. The teachers would make us crawl under our desks to prepare for the explosion. We were supposed to cover our faces with our arms so glass shattering in from the windows wouldn’t blind us. It is not surprising that the traumatized children of the 50’s grew up to be the anti-war radicals of the 60s and 70s. I stayed up one night to watch an atomic bomb testing in the Nevada desert over 200 miles away. It lit up the whole Eastern sky and added a touch of reality to our hide-under-the-desk practice.

In the lineup for the movie, Eric aced me out and managed to get next to Judy. A half-dozen other fourth graders played honor guard and I couldn’t even get close, but my luck didn’t abandon me altogether. I grabbed the seat immediately in back of her where I could at least monitor Eric’s behavior while admiring Judy’s behind. The lights went down and the movie started. I strained to keep an eye on Eric. He reached over and grabbed Judy’s hand and she let him hold it. I could have killed him. My whole world was crashing down. But then, unbelievably, Judy’s other hand slipped between the chairs and grabbed my knee. My knee! It was raw sex. Who cared if Eric was holding hands with Judy! Who cared if the Russians had somehow determined that Diamond Springs Grade School stood between them and world domination!

MONDAY’S POST: I finish up our 18-day journey down the Colorado River.

WEDNESDAY’S POST: More photos from Kodiak Island, Alaska.

FRIDAY’S POST: More girl problems when I make the mistake of taking PE Dance Class.

35 comments on “Raw Sex and the Nuclear Holocaust… A MisAdventures’ Tale

  1. Great post Curt! I grew up in the 70’s and we still practiced the bombing protocols, hiding under desks with arms around heads and lining up in the halls into little balls. My kids laugh when I tell them we did this like fire drills.

  2. It is not surprising that the traumatized children of the 50’s grew up to be the anti-war radicals of the 60s and 70s.

    Naw, it was more likely all that free love during instructional films.

    Fantastic story, Curt. Well told.

  3. *Gasp* Judy! Ahh, gradeschool romance! You take me back to the year when I had to talk down a group of 5 year olds girls in tears because they all wanted to marry the same boy- at least you and Eric kept your composure 😀

  4. LO L. What does Peggy say about this? Goodness, raw sex. You and your bold women, Curt, you devil. As for what the traumatized children of the 50s grew to be, I always love the history we can sink our teeth into here.

  5. This whole post made me smile. And brought back memories of my own childhood amorous adventures. One day my 3rd grade teacher announced “All you girls have to go sit next to your boyfriend” !!!! I jumped up and went to sit next to Graeme (his last name escapes me) and said “Do you know who my boyfriend is?” He answered no and I promptly answered “You”. And that was the beginning of our “romance”. I never was one to hold back – grin. And boy did it get me in a whole lot of trouble 🙂
    Alison

    • Somehow, Alison, I find it easy to imagine you getting into ‘a whole lot of trouble’ over amorous adventures. 🙂 Glad my little tale helped bring back some fond memories. –Curt

  6. Darn it. Thought the title of the post meant some steamy story… heheh…
    We can imagine in the 1960s that there was true paranoia about a nuclear attack, such as the same when Mr Kim boasted his large button can launch missiles to hit the US…

    • Kim is certainly an example of the paranoia that accompanies nuclear weapons, as was the Cuban Missile Crisis. The Russia/America conflict of the 50s and 60s was particularly scary since each country had enough nuclear bomb to destroy the world’s population several times over.
      Laughing, it was pretty steamy to a fifth grader! –Curt

  7. Thanks for all the smiles and outright laughter and, oh! the memories! Interesting… I never connected the dots between our nuclear attack drills and the war protests in the 60s. Seems pretty obvious once I think about it. I sure do pity the kids growing up in today’s world, or is that just a requirement as we age?

    • I enjoy telling the stories, Gunta. It’s always fun to dip back into the past— as long as we don’t dwell there! The kids have a different world, that’s for sure. I think that each generation has its own challenges, but I also think those challenges are accelerating. –Curt

  8. Too adorable! Now I can say that, but we are in elementary school these moments are a mix of so many strong feelings. Raw is the exact adjective. I wonder if you’ve known what happened to Judy. She seemed to had a great understanding of who she was.

  9. I’m not surprised that you fell in love with a girl who had runner’s legs. In fact, Peggy just may rival that young lady since she’s running alongside of you quite well and may be running ahead during your 1,000-mile trek. It is fun at our age to look back at first encounters with the opposites and remember how goofy we felt!

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